Friday, January 30, 2009

Pregnancy, Perusing, Pondering, and Procrastinating

"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered."~~~~Nelson Mandela

For anyone left out there checking my blog, after months of my absence, I just wanted to let you know, that I am alive and well and have committed to posting regularly again.

My life has changed quite a bit in the last five months. In September, I found out I am pregnant! YaY! My hubby and I are thrilled. We found out last week that we are having a boy. Here's a picture from my ultrasound of little Rylan Sawyer, who is expected to be born around June 8.
So here's a relatively short recap of the last five months.....

Pregnancy:

My husband and I were secretly trying for four months and found out we succeeded in late September. The moment the stick turned pink, we cried, laughed, celebrated and jumped up and down. Later that evening, as we got into bed, I rested my hands on my stomach and stared down at my belly. My husband asked, "What are you thinking about?" I immediately burst into tears and answered, "That it's just gonna get bigger and bigger until I have to push it out!" Needless to say, I'm having a little anxiety about giving birth. :)

I was very sick in the beginning, but I'm much better now and I'm looking forward to being a mom.
Perusing

The last few months, I've been up to my eyebrows in books; books on all different topics, written by all sorts of people. When I was going through the sickest part of my pregnancy, curling up with a good book was the best comfort to me. But all that reading, left with many challenges. Many viewpoints to wade through, to consider, reconsider, and respond to in my own heart. Which accounts for the next part of my hiatus.........

Pondering

Reading a plethora of books on the topics of parenting, pregnancy, theology, marriage, sex, women's roles, emergent thought, anti-emergent thought and biblical interpretation (to name a few) has propelled me into a very conflicting place. On the one hand, I have never felt closer to God as I've been searching through "uncharted territory" (at least uncharted by me). I've realized what a gift the body of Christ is, how God uses His children to encourage and challenge each other with their own experiences and unique perspectives on faith. I've also been challenged by the works of those outside the Christian faith who present some thoughtful questions, concerns and critiques of the church. I've been thinking, rethinking, examining, deconstructing, embracing, rejecting, balancing and searching. Most of all, I've been appreciating the abundance of avenues through which God reveals Himself in part, finding truth in the oddest of places and people.

On the other hand, the more I see "Aslan" in the dark woods ahead, where others think He doesn't go, the more disconnected I feel from my former life. It was so much easier to uncritically accept the specific viewpoints spoon-fed to me, instead of wading through the myriad of viewpoints within the Christian faith and allowing for some gray. So stepping out and reinforcing some of my old beliefs, while revamping others and embracing some new/enhanced ones, feels difficult and vulnerable. I've had my feelings hurt quite a bit recently (mostly likely exasperated by the hormones from pregnancy), and encouraged my retreat into private searching and questioning. But my faith in Jesus and His transformative gospel has never been so alive, so I know it's been worth it and continues to be worth it, and I can only hope my old and new friends will stick by me in this journey. Which leads up to the next part of the past 5 months..........

Procrastinating

I never really intended to take a break from blogging. I sort of said to myself, "tomorrow, I'll get back on there..." When I last left off, I was juggling three jobs, a new roomie, a new pregnancy, morning sickness, and a sudden spurt of introverted-ness as discussed above. All of this led to procrastinating in regards to this blog. But I've really missed it and so I am putting an end to the procrastinating. I do plan to weave in the rest of the women's study in the midst of some other posts.

17 comments:

Ramblin' Red said...

Wow....

Congrats on the pregnancy - I too became a sporadic blogger this fall due to pregnancy (also a boy) - and now I've only got 12 short weeks before he is here.

I can relate to many of the things you describe feeling about your walk. Particularly: So stepping out and reinforcing some of my old beliefs, while revamping others and embracing some new/enhanced ones, feels difficult and vulnerable.

Funny that you used Aslan as a point of reference because I've been reading those books in my spare time and they speak to me in a way I hadn't expected.

Anyway...I didn't participate a lot here, but checked in periodically and always was fascinated by your thoughts....I'm kind of a kindred spirit in some regards, and yet not in others.

Looking forward to hearing more.

Terry @ Breathing Grace said...

Well, this was the LAST thing I expected to find when I opened up my Google Reader!! This is so wonderful!!

Congratulations Tia Lynn and the Mr.!!

Tia Lynn said...

Thanks Terry! I've missed you. I spend the afternoon catching up on your blog. I'll be sticking my nose up in there soon, I'm sure!

Tia Lynn said...

Thanks Ramblin Red. Always love to find a kindred spirit, even if we don't agree on everything. That's part of the fun!

Meliss said...

Congratulations! Looking forward to reading more of your thoughts.

Joyful Melody said...

Aw, that is such a great ultrasound picture :) :) :)

I'm so excited for you!

(PS: this is my new blog)

~Melody

Rachel said...

Hi Rachel here
You'll get used to me - somehow, because of the way my blog has been set up, over which I have little power, because I'm not technical, my blog gets generated in the LINKS section of other people's blogs who I have in my blog-roll. Not sure why it happens - I think the links are generated by the search engines automatically.

So I am sorry about that. What I'm not sorry about though, is the fact that you are back. You remind me of myself, carrying my first child, when I was 28, excited and nervous and walking with God in a world of amazing possibilities. Congratulations. I look forward to keeping up with your thoughts. I suspect we have a fair amount in common.

Mike L. said...

I've missed your posts, but you are still in my RSS reader. Congrats on the growing baby! I'll look forward to seeing your blog pop onto my screen more often.

Grandpa Los said...

Welcome Tia; did know about your child from Tonya...Babies ar great...I'm learning to be a grandpa..granddaughter born last July and grandson born this January..As I commented on Mack's blog bothe of them just ook a huge chunk of my heart..

as for reading...taking my time reading Gerge Macdonald's unspoken sermons...all I can say is wow....read his chapter on Eloi this week while on a trip to Houston, and I ask howcome in all these years growing up in churh, I never heard such a peeling of that passage...

Congrats to you and yours....Babies are great....

Christy Fritz said...

welcome back!
you've been missed...:)
i really look forward to reading again.
thanks for sharing the picture of you little guy. it will be cool to read your stories as a mom as well.
I like his name.
christy :)

Tonya said...

Welcome back Tia!!! I had to spill the beans to Carlos since he e-mailed me with concern:):):). Anyway, you've been missed. I don't know how involved I'll be in the discussions here, but I always like to read your take. I finished my study on women's issues a month or so ago and even changed one of my opinions (gasp). Maybe we can sit around, nurse the babes, and talk about it one of these days. I think my days of internet discussion of ideas are over for several reasons, one being lack of time to get involved.

I guess Cat told you that we're having a girl. At this point in time, her name is Charis but that won't be a done deal until the trip to the hospital, knowing Landon and self:). She is due about 3 weeks after Rylan.

Hugs! And I love the ultrasound pic. What a great name!

Jeff Gill said...

Congratulations, & welcome back!
You were missed.

Ben Delmanto said...

Hey there! Just thought I'd comment on the ultrasound photo.. and that comment would be: what exactly are we looking at? haha. I'm just teasing. I'm really happy and excited for you guys, but you have to admit that a photo like that is much much more exciting for the 2 of you than for anyone else who sees it. Good luck with everything. Love ya!

Tia Lynn said...

HAHA! Just wait until you have a little Benadito on the way, you'll love the ultrasound pics! :)

minnowspeaks said...

Being way older I can't agree on the ultra sound pics--only meant a problem for me. Ultimately preferred homebirth so...Anyway congrats and I have been checking in (and even sending people your direction) so am glad you are back!!!

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